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Dear Friend
Three or four things have been very
interesting from a business point of
view this week.....the universe (or
whatever) just keeps sending those
lessons until you get them, eh?
First of all a lesson in designing more
supportive systems, secondly another
lesson in toleration zapping, and next
came Entrepreneurs Trap #3; Taking on
responsibility for other people's
feelings ....
Designing
Supportive Systems
 I
went to bed particularly early on Sunday
(as I've been up very late a lot this
week playing Second Life) then got up at
5.30 on Monday, got all dressed up in my
business togs, Steve drove me to the
station for the 7.15am train, I got on a
train to London and pitched up at the
Charing Cross Hotel for the Blackstar
day, only to find a distinct and
disappointing lack of Ecademists.
I finally found a conference manager who
took me into the business centre, where
I logged onto my Ecademy account, only
to find that it was on next week...
I had a couple of moments of feeling
really disorientated and confused - I
was SO SURE it was today - and cross
with myself, then I had a flash that
perhaps I had confused a forthcoming
speaking engagement in Hove with the
Ecademy meeting.
I had a certain feeling that I had seen
something in my Outlook that day (a
blocked out space of blue for business
time), but couldn't be sure if it was
our regular Admin meeting or something
else. Steve has all my appointments in
his Outlook too so I thought I could
call him. I looked for my mobile (that I
never use except when out and about
because Orange has no signal on Shoreham
Beach - something the salesman should
have known when he sold it to me, in my
opinion) only to find it was not there.
Because I never use it, it's not
attached to me all the time like some
people's. I usually keep it in my
business bag but because the car has
been a bit unreliable recently - must
renew the Green Flag - I have started
taking it out and about with me. No joy
on finding it in my bag, anyway.
I found plenty of other rubbish,
including my beloved Chanel No 5 which I
can't wear any more because Steve says
it smells like formaldehyde and reminds
him of his Gran. How do you go about
choosing a new perfume I wonder...?
Managing to locate a call box and some
change - a start - I then realised that
I couldn't call our home number (which
is new, but I DID know it, which is a
miracle) because Steve never answers the
home phone in the daytime. I didn't know
the office number off by heart, so I
couldn't call him on that. I asked the
concierge if there was an internet cafe
anywhere - and good old Stelios had set
one up just over the road.
I trotted over and bought my two quids
worth, trying to ignore the delicious
smell of pizza from the in-cafe Sub Bar
and log into Skype, as Steve never uses
MSN any more. No joy, you can't use it
in remote locations. So I thought, I
know, I'll MSN Judith and ask her to
Skype Steve and tell him to login to
MSN. Success! Steve duly arrived,
virtually speaking, and after roundly
cussing me for being such a nana,
informed me that he had nothing in his
Outlook. I must have seen the admin
meeting and thought it was the Blackstar
day. Daftie that I am....
Tolerations
 What
you have here - in my Monday's adventure
- is a great long list of tolerations.
I'm tolerating the fact my mobile
doesn't work at my house. I'm tolerating
the fact that I really want to use a
paper Filofax but then I would have to
enter things twice, once into the
filofax and once into Outlook so Steve
would know what I'm up to, and that the
Filofax would not beep at me to remind
me of tele-seminars when I'm deep in
something else.
I'm tolerating the fact that my hand
held thingy always runs of battery
because I'm not systematic enough to
charge it up once a day.
I'm tolerating the fact that I don't
have a PA to tell me what I'm supposed
to do, when my head is full of marketing
and creative stuff.
I'm tolerating the fact that the Lighter
Life meetings are not at a great time
for me, and I always put myself last
when it comes to attending and getting
the handy breakfast snack bars that
would have meant that I was not tempted
by pizza at 9.30 in the morning.
When I got home Steve and I discussed it
all, particularly the time management
issues, and tolerations in general, and
I asked him what he was tolerating.
"Just one word" he said with a grin, and
I realised immediately! "Yes, well, I'm
not going to go away" I retorted "so you
must just subdivide that toleration into
smaller sub-tolerations and we will see
what we can do about those....."
However, I had a great day nonetheless,
because when that guy said "Oh, no, it
must be next week" I realised I had a
choice.
I could choose to get frustrated at the
waste of time, upset and angry at what
had happened, or I could choose not to.
I could choose to blame myself, my time
management tools, or I could choose to
realise that I'm great just the way I am
(if a little dim and ditsy on the
organisational front sometimes).
Or I could choose to look at it as a
learning experience, that had provided
me with three hours on the train,
looking out at the sunny countryside and
reading Roger Hamilton's "Wink & Grow
Rich" for the fourth time.
And yes, the story behind the story is
finally beginning to emerge for me, in
that book, just as promised. I had some
great ideas / revelations from the read
on the journey home....but that's
another blog entry.
Entrepreneurs Trap
#3 - Taking Responsibility For Other
Grownups Feelings
 We
have had a number of difficult business
decisions to make over the last few
months. Some involve closing companies
that are not working, from a business
model or business partner point of view,
ones that don't serve us in moving
towards our "Primary Aim" as Michael
Gerber in the E-Myth would call it. Or
that simply don't pay their way and suck
my time and attention away from the
things that are working and do serve us.
I'm going to share some personal stuff
now because it's interesting, from the
point of view of how it affects me in my
business and wealth creation activities.
The problem for me, in making these
decisions, is that I feel responsible
for everyone else involved. As the
oldest child of four, growing up with a
schizophrenic mother who was loving, but
distant and unpredictable, and who
abandoned us on a regular basis for long
periods of time, with no explanation,
then when she WAS around, moved us
around the country every 18 months. All
of which must have been difficult for a
small child to understand, which led to
a deep desire to please and be liked, to
ensure some kind of security.
However as the oldest of four, I somehow
have taken on the role of wanting to
look after everyone else. Usually at the
expense of looking after myself, which
leads to the kind of situation
experienced on Monday.
Worse than that, I take on
responsibility for everyone else's
feelings - wanting people to feel happy
all the time. And to like me all the
time - I hate thinking that there are
people out there in the world who don't
think well of me. Even worse than that,
I imagine that everyone would feel the
same as me in any given situation,
narcissism at it's finest (quite a
common response in children with schizo
mothers apparently).
This manifests in a business situation
as not ever wanting to let anyone down,
and bending over backwards, tying myself
into knots, trying to make things right
even when it can never be.
So I work on things that are not
working, trying to turn them around. I
make promises that mean nightmares for
me in the delivery, taking stuff on in
business that I never should. And I find
it really really hard to say no, let go,
draw a line, close things down.
Luckily now I have an emotionally
intelligent and robust business partner
and housemate in Steve, who just tells
me when I'm being a nightmare and why.
I have a business mentor in Greg, who
seems to understand and like me in spite
of my nuttiness, and who supports us to
make better business decisions,
reminding me that it is just business,
and another business partner in Judith
who enables me to take some of the
emotion out of a situation and look at
it ethically, calmly and in a grown up
manner. She actually told me I was
hallucinating something the other day,
about how someone would feel about
something, and she was right! Which
defused a situation nicely and made me
able to take some action, instead of
tying myself up in emotional knots.
Thank God for Steve, Greg and Judith!!
And not least for my two sisters, Sarah
and Heather, who just give me
unconditional love when I've annoyed
everyone else!
And as it’s
Red Nose Day
today I thought I would let you know
that Virgin Media reports
....It's not only people up and
down the UK who are busy buying Red
Noses and fundraising for
Comic Relief this week. Residents of
the online world "Second Life" can now
virtually wear the Red Nose while making
a very real
donation to Comic Relief.
 Hermione
Watanabe, our virtual SL (Second
Life) Wealth Coach dashed off to get
one immediately...
'Second
Life' is a 3D virtual world entirely
built and owned by its residents. There
are over 4.5 million members who can all
buy, sell and trade inside the 'world'
in Linden Dollars - the 'Second Life'
currency.
With
Red Nose Day
being all over shops and TV screens over
the last few weeks it seems only right
that inhabitants of 'Second
Life' can also don the famous Red
Nose and T-Shirt. So for just 550 Linden
Dollars, residents can buy a T-Shirt or
a nose, with £1 in real money coming
directly to Comic Relief to help make a
difference to thousands of lives in
Africa and the UK.
Red Nose Day 2007 -'The Big One' - is on
today, Friday March 16. 40% of the money
raised directly through Red Nose Day is
allocated to work in the UK and 60% goes
to work in Africa.
Visit the very cool
Daden Consulting
Red Nose Plaza (Teleport:
17,244,122) to buy your red nose and
t-shirt and say hello to Hermione while
you are there – we’ll hang out there for
the day!
Have fun, we are...
Nicola
 Nicola Cairncross
Wealth Coach
Internet Strategist
Professional Speaker
Author
Email
Steve
to have Nicola speaking at YOUR event >>>
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Annie Meachem from 
I read about a new trend in Grazia, while in the beauty salon. It's pretty much the only time I catch up with the goings on in women's mags and I certainly don't buy them. 